Jessica Scott

I’m willing to be you thought it would be roses. You’re wrong. I’m not much of a flower person. I tend to kill all things green so the most you’ll see anything growing in my house is the dust bunny collection.

No, what I mean to end the sentence with is your kids. Now, if you have a teenager, you probably don’t want to take that advice but for me, who still has two little ones, I did it this morning. See, we’re at the eight month mark. Eight months since being home from Iraq. Eight months since we got in the car in my mom’s snow covered driveway and headed south, down to Texas with the kids, the cats, the dogs and the kitchen sink.

It’s been a rough eight months but lately, things are settling down. I went to see a therapist to help find some techniques to deal with my inability to manage it all. At the end of the day, I’m still a working mom, writer, housekeeper, et all and everything was falling apart around me. I couldn’t keep up and neither could the kids. I reached my breaking point so I went to the social worker and said please help me not be crazy any more (along with some serious prodding from friends). I wasn’t myself and I wasn’t doing anyone, not my kids, not my commander, not my husband, a damn bit of good.

I got help and you know what? Getting me help has made things a hundred percent better. My kids no longer have to scream and cry because everything is out of control in their lives, too. I’m better able to deal with my frustration, my anxiety, my everyday life and that makes it easier for them because when Mom is freaking out, everyone else does, too.

But this morning, my oldest got up and walked out to me. I’ve talked a lot to her about when Mommy has anxiety issues my chest gets tight and it’s kind of hard for me to breathe. I tell her when that happens, Mommy needs to take a time out to get it back under control. Well, she came out today and said she had the same feeling. So I crouched down and said, you know what would make it better? A mommy hug. And I hugged her and while I did, I breathed in the clean, soft smell of her hair. Her skin. Just the scent that makes my daughter my daughter. And when I dropped them off, I did the same thing with my little one, who still has just enough fuzz at her hair line to remind me of the baby she was when I left.

I took a minute today and just stopped and smelled my kids. It might sound bizarre but it was just one moment where I remembered everything that I’ve tried to do right with them and let the guilt about everything I’ve done wrong slip away. I kissed them on the forehead and sent them to school and was happy that we had a good morning with no crying, no yelling and everyone doing their part to have a good morning.

Sometimes, that’s all you can hope for.

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So last night I tweeted about getting an email about a reality show that’s looking for a female soldier/mom. The show is something about the hardest working moms in America. Which is cool. I think it would be good for folks to see what some mom’s go through.

Just not me.

I politely emailed the casting agent who contacted me and said thanks but no thanks. Oddly enough, there were tons of folks telling me I should go for it. It’s a huge potential platform (for all those books I haven’t managed to sell). It’s a good opportunity. I could be a role model (better than Heidi Montag).

All of that is true, for the most part (I highly doubt I am a role model for anything other than the definition of insanity). It would be a good opportunity for book sales. It would help build a platform. But it would probably destroy not only my family, it would wreck my career and my self esteem. I don’t watch a lot of reality tv, but the snippets I’ve seen from a few shows are always high drama. There is enough stress in my life just getting the kids out the door to make it to formation on time. The last thing I need is a camera in my 3 year old’s face when she’s melting down as we’re walking out the door. The last thing I want to see is me losing my patience and having CPS show up because of something they see on the tv.

I’m a writer. I’m a soldier and I’m a mom. I’m not a TV star. While every author hopes to be on Oprah someday, that would be about the extent of it. I was offered a chance to work on a phenomenal project earlier this year but I had to decline because it would have taken me away from my family right after I’d gotten home from Iraq. I regret having to turn that project down because it’s going to be awesome but at the end of it all, the project will go on with the other writer and will have just as much impact as it would have without me.

The TV show would have been fun, at least to start. It’s kind of neat when you think that people might want to see what my life is like. But really, I’m just like every other mom out there: stressed out, busy, and trying to keep all the balls in the air while ensure my children are prepared to face the world.

Putting them on TV would not be the best way to do that.

And the impact would not only be on my kids. I’m getting ready to take command of a signal company. My soldiers deserve me coming on board, ready to lead, challenge and mentally prepare them for the next deployment. How on earth would I accomplish that if there were cameras in our company training meetings? How effective would that be, all so I could have my 15 minutes of fame?

No, the TV show might be fun if there wasn’t a war going on. But there is and there is too much upheaval in my life and my soldier’s lives to compound it with a tv camera in their faces.

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My daughter nearly drowned last night. We’ve been going to swimming lessons at the Lions Club Aquatics park in Killeen and last night, my fear became reality. I was sitting about ten feet from the edge, close enough to watch but far enough that they would pay attention to the teachers and not me. Her and her sister were letting go of the edge and bobbing: all good training because they both need to know that when they hit bottom, they need to kick back to the top.

Well, the little one got pushed back to where she couldn’t reach the edge of the pool. My heart counted the beats. One. No head poking up. Two. No head. Three, and her little arms were waving in the top of the water…and mommy moved. All I remember is getting to the edge and seeing she was close enough for me to grab without diving into the water. I had her before the teachers did. I think I dove because my right knee hurts like hell this morning and I scuffed it up pretty good.

And what did I do? I snapped at her. I said this is what you get for not listening. I’d been telling her and her sister not to let go of the edge.

Really? My kid has the scare of a lifetime and I snap at her? Then she cried and I wrapped my arms around her and held on to her. And less than two minutes later, she jumped right back into the pool. It happened again toward the end of her lessons but this time, she laughed and held back onto the edge. Mommy did better this time too, except that I was getting pissed at them for not listening and continuing to let go of the edge.

That night, as they were getting ready for bed, I told her how proud I was of her for getting back in the water when any other kid would have screamed and cried and refused. She says in a small voice “I’m proud of you too, Mommy, for saving me.” And I laughed my ass off because it was cute and she was brave and she got back after it after she had the daylights scared out of her.

But see here’s the thing that I wanted her to take away from it. Never mind that it shaved another year off my life. Never mind that the old taste of panic that I had in Iraq about not being there to protect my children rose to the surface like a bad memory. She got back in the water. Something bad happened and she faced her fear and got back in the pool. She even went off the diving board.

I can’t always be around to protect my kids. Maybe it’s the nature of my life in the military that I know this but on an instinctive level, it rips my soul out to send my kids out into the world without me being there. I have to trust. I have to trust that the school will do the right thing. The swimming instructors were working with other kids and were all within five feet of her. But no one had seen her go under. Except me. I still trust that they’re doing their best, but I’m there. Think of it as risk mitigation on my part.

I have to prepare my children for life without me because when they’re in school, when they’re at their friends houses, when they’re grown, they will make decisions and have to react to things that no one will have prepared them for. And I have to trust that they’ll do something in those situations where they’re scared.

So I am proud of my little girl. She got back in the water and she still thinks she can swim even though she sinks like a stone. But we’ll keep working at it. The best thing I could have done for her last night was get her back in the water and even though my adrenaline stayed high for the rest of the lessons, she got back in.

I don’t think I can ask more than that.

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Please welcome Gretchen Rix to the blog today. She’s here promoting her novel The Cowboy’s Baby and talk about her experience in publishing with Amazon!

Hi Y’all! I’m Gretchen Rix, or Gretchen Lee Rix or Gretchen L. Rix (depending on mood and what I’m writing) and I am a member of Jess’s Austin RWA group. Last Thursday night I self-published my novel “The Cowboy’s Baby” on Kindle via Amazon.com. Was it easy? Well, yes and no.

Their system is designed to take a Word document that has been turned into an html document and convert it into the Kindle format. Well, I had a Works document and when I turned it into html a lot of the formatting was lost. It was shockingly ugly.

I went back and forth, even reading their advice to the rest of us who‘d had problems. I corrected the original and changed it back into html (it created even more errors), and then I switched to editing and changing my html document (it looked ok, but it wasn’t), and then I finally gave up and asked a friend who knows computers and Word for help. So for me it wasn’t easy. Not the formatting part.

He took my Works document and converted it to Word, and then he converted that to html and edited that with page breaks and spell-check. (I swear, every time I changed from one format to the other the computer went in and misspelled my formerly perfect words. I alone am responsible for the semicolon mistakes.) Then it took us four attempts to fix minor problems like extra blank pages in the middle of the book, and floating Chapter headings.

I am now reading my novel on Kindle. So far I haven’t read the whole thing, but it looks great in normal (small) type, and it starts to look funky if you select the larger type. You take your pick, easy to read or perfect formatting. (With Kindle you can select from many type sizes.)

The rest involved in Kindle/Amazon.com publishing was really easy. Just fill in the forms. But read all the information available to you first, that way you don’t freak out when it wants your social security number. And I made two stupid mistakes even though I just said it was easy.

When they asked for author’s name they only had blanks for first and last name. On my cover page and title page I’m Gretchen Lee Rix (because I had total control over that), but on the Amazon.com page and on my Kindle library list it says Gretchen Rix. So I should have put Gretchen Lee as my first name. Oh well, they’re both me.

The other mistake was in listing my sister Roxanne as a contributor. I only meant to give her credit for the cover photograph, but Amazon takes that and runs with it–unless you read the full information under our names it looks like we are co-writers. Oh well, she was the beta reader and she did find one logic error I‘d missed. There are ways to go in and fix all this, but I think it might require you to unpublish and then publish again. I am not sure. So for the time being we are living with the stupid mistakes.

My book is “live” now and I have had one sale. Mine, of course. I bought myself a copy for my own Kindle. Nobody else has bought it yet, but then nobody knows it’s there. Selling by osmosis didn’t work. And now I’m a published author. Marketing the thing is the next step.

So, why didn’t I submit “The Cowboy’s Baby” to a traditional publisher? And why did I choose Kindle?

My book is a light read, short (at about 60k), and PG rated in the romance department. It is a nice, pleasant romance novel, and not the type publishers are clamoring for right now. I didn’t want to waste a year submitting it only to be told what I already know. And even if someone did buy it, I didn’t want to wait another year for it to be published and then know it only gets about a two week window before they strip the cover off and return it for credit.

Electronic publishing is probably the future. And this is the beginning of it. And I think it’s going to open a lot of opportunities for what they used to call the mid-list writer.

Kindle publishing is free, it is fast (about two days for me), their contract is out in the open for everyone to see, and their royalties are great. They pay every two months. On the down side, these are electronic books. Getting your novel noticed is difficult (it may be impossible) and you have to do all your own marketing. There is no editing. There is no advance. This is all new and scary because you are totally responsible for your novel. Your book may get totally lost (I keep saying this).

What is going to happen with “The Cowboy’s Baby”? I don’t know. Right now it has been available for less than a week and I can’t keep myself from looking at my account to see how many books have sold. But I’m in it for the long stretch. The e-books remain available forever (maybe). So, we’ll see. Even if it doesn’t do well initially, there is a chance that future books I write and publish could draw readers back to TCB. And it will still be there.

If Jessica will invite me back, in six months when I’ve had more experience with the marketing and accounting aspects of Kindle publishing I will let you know what happened.

Hey, “The Cowboy’s Baby” is only $2.99. And you don’t have to own a Kindle anymore to buy and read Kindle books. You can download their free apps to your pc, iphone, ipad or android. Almost end of commercial.

Today I thought of another reason to buy my book. With “The Cowboy’s Baby” you will see exactly what happens when someone like me (basically a new writer), working with a friend (conversant in Word and html) but with no professional help with the formatting of either the cover or the text, creates an electronic book.

In reading Kindle books since December I have seen a lot worse. And I have seen a lot better. But “The Cowboy’s Baby” is a good example of what a self-published book will look like. And for those who want to take fewer chances, there is a whole new cottage industry building up in the wake of Kindle publishing that says it can create a more professional product.

Wish me luck.

Gretchen Lee Rix

Thanks so much for stopping by the blog today! I hope everyone will come back in 6 months for Gretchen’s update on self publishing with Amazon!

www.amazon.com/The-Cowboys-Baby-ebook/dp/B003UYUVZC.

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Today, it’s my extreme pleasure to welcome New York Times Bestselling author Julia London back to the blog. She’s here today to talk about the RWA National Conference and her latest bestselling novel One Season of Sunshine, out now.

Adopted as an infant, Jane Aaron longs to know the identity of her birth mother and why she gave her up. Her only clue is the name of the small Texas town where she was born, so she’s come to Cedar Springs for answers. Handsome ad executive Asher Price lost his wife, the beautiful, mysterious Susanna, in a terrible car crash eighteen months ago. When he hires Jane as the nanny for his two children, sparks fly. Jane finds herself falling in love with both Asher and his children, but begins to suspect that Susanna was not the perfect mother and wife the family portrays her to have been. As Jane gets closer and closer to finding out the truth about both her own and Susanna’s past, devastating secrets begin to emerge that may be more than anyone can bear. Will the truth bring Jane and Asher closer together or tear them apart forever?

What was the first RWA National Conference you went to? What was the one thing you wished you’d known that first time and would it have made a difference if you’d been published or unpublished?

The first one I attended was in Chicago, I think in 2000. I really didn’t know what RWA was at the time. I’d never heard of it before I was published, and my editor told me it was a conference where other romance writers went. So I went, expecting…what, I don’t know. I didn’t know about all the workshops and opportunities to network until I was there. So I guess I would say that I wish I would have known what the conference was really about, what its goals for members were, and how I could have made better use of it than I did. That’s not to say it wasn’t beneficial, because it certainly was. But it could have been more so had I known what to expect.

What are some of the things that writers, at any stage in their career can get out of going to Nationals?

I think first and foremost is the opportunity to meet and network with industry professionals whom you would never meet sitting in your office or at home. That’s where this conference is really unique, I think, in bringing industry professionals to the writers. Second, the chance to meet people with similar goals and experiences, at any level. And third, the various workshops for any stage of your career. Craft, promotion, business—it seems like they cover the full gamut.

What are some things as a published writer that are on your “must do” list at Nationals?

Gossip ☺. Okay, seriously, taking the opportunity to meet with people who can help further my career. For me, that includes my publisher, editor, agent, as well as the people who help me promote my work, such as Writerspace and Fresh Fiction. I try to meet with booksellers and buyers, and of course, readers. It’s a chance to meet face-to-face with everyone who helps make my business a success.

What’s the thing you don’t see people doing at Nationals that they should be doing?

Breaking out of their cliques and meeting new people. It is great to go off and hang with your friends, and I do that every year. But I also make sure, since I go to the trouble and expense of going, to reach out to new people. For me, that is readers and librarians and booksellers. For any one, at any stage of his or her career, reaching out will serve you when you are published.

What are some of the common pitfalls you see folks fall into regarding interacting with other writers/agents/editors?

A couple of things: Remember that people have busy schedules and have taken the time to set them up to see who they need to see. I know some people try to schedule things on the fly, or worse, will come and “join” you when you are having your meeting with your editor/agent/writer. It is best to try and schedule ahead of time. But having said that, knowing that not everyone can plan ahead for whatever reason, it is just polite to ask if it is a good time to interrupt, or better yet, inquire if there is another time the person can meet. I can’t tell you how many times I have been with an editor when someone stops and needs to chat right then, with no respect for my time or the editor’s time.
The second thing is alcohol. Hey, we all love a good party, but loose lips sink ships. I’m just saying ☺. I’ve known of more than one author or industry professional whose drinking reputation precedes her book reputation. Just remember that it’s fun, but it’s also a business conference.

If you were going to give one piece of advice to unpublished authors about attending Nationals, what would it be? What about for published authors?

Take advantage of all the conference has to offer, but don’t be a slave to it. Make it the best use of YOUR time, not theirs. I would say the same for published authors. There are some really good workshops, but there are some really good conversations happening everywhere. If you are a published author, I would highly recommend catching the Madeline Hunter and Sabrina Jeffries PAN workshop on numbers if you get the chance. It’s really enlightening.

We hear a lot about having an ‘elevator pitch’ ready to go at a moment’s notice. What are some things you think are good or bad about the pitch and do you recommend it?

I think you must have a killer pitch that you know will grab the person you are pitching. Remember that these people are getting pitched left and right, they have a million things going on, and the odds of them remembering are pretty slim in the best of circumstances. The pitch cannot sound like any other book out there. You really must have the right grab-you hook. So my advice sounds simple, but it’s really hard: Have the right pitch. To make sure you do, pitch it to friends and acquaintances who will tell you the truth about it. You need the truth, the bold, untarnished truth. And even then, you have to keep in mind that it is all subjective. The perfect pitch to one editor may be the snooze button to the next.

Any final thoughts on Nationals?

It’s a great conference! Have fun and enjoy it!

Thanks so much for being here today. I’ve got my copy of One Season of Sunshine in my TBR pile and I can’t wait to get to it!

Thanks for having me here. I really appreciate the opportunity to speak to your followers and invite anyone who is interested to visit http://www.julialondon.com to read more about me, an excerpt, and about upcoming books.

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So, I’m a pretty good communicator. When you look back at my NCOERs and OERs as well as my army school evaluations, I’m always top in communications (wonder where the writing thing comes from, huh). But here’s a dirty little secret: I have NO IDEA who to verbally pitch a book. I tried telling my agent about a couple of ideas on the phone and I could practically hear his eyes cross.

I’m not saying I can’t do it. I’m sure I can, but it takes practice and refining so that I know what I’m going to say and how. I’m better at off the cuff conversations that don’t start with “it’s about…”

I just read Bob Mayer’s recent posts on getting the most out of conferences and I think I’ve decided that I’m not going to stress about my pitches. If I get to meet in person people like Deidre Knight, who held my hand when I made my agent switch late last year and made me laugh when I wanted to jump off a bridge and Jenn Schober, who was instrumental in me getting to the NY Times At War Blog and subsequently the PBS POV blog, I think it would be much cooler (on my part anyway) to say thank you to them and maybe buy them a drink without having The Pitch hanging on my tongue, waiting to escape.

There are authors I want to meet too. I can’t wait to meet Joann Ross and Rocki St. Claire, both of whom held my hand last year during some particularly bad writing business stuff. I want to meet some of the fab authors who sent me care packages last year and I just know I’m going to be embarrassed and not remember all of them. I want to meet Cindy Gerard, who helped spear head the school supply drive for Iraqi kids. I want to meet up with the ROMVETs, fellow veterans and romance writers. I want to meet the RWA-WF group as well as the KOD folks that I’ve seen on the message boards. I want to meet Sarah Frantz and hug her for editing the hell out of me for PBS POV.

There are so many people I need to meet and say thank you to. I don’t want to screw that up by worrying about The Pitch.

Why stress about a pitch?

Mostly, I want to put faces to emails and I want to do this without worrying about my own pitch. Because if The Pitch is hanging over my head, I’ll screw up, act awkward or stressed out and generally look like a douche bag. I do enough of that already. Going to Nationals is going to be stressful enough for me because I’m A) going to be surrounded by civilians in large crowds, B) not going to be in uniform, which takes away a lot of my comfort, C) going to be in heels (enough said) and D) I only know in person maybe 4 people there.

So I’m going to take Bob’s recommendation and relax. I’m going to meet people and go to workshops. And I’m not going to worry about my pitch.

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As I’ve grown and changed as a writer, I’ve learned new techniques. One Allison Brennan told me about it a long time ago but I’d never been able to do it: read the entire manuscript without making changes. That’s damn hard for me to do. So much so that I’ve only done it once.

The other thing I’ve struggled with is each time I start revisions, I end up throwing out huge chunks of the book and ending up with a completely different story than I started with.

So now that I’ve gotten feedback from several folks about Fear, I’m sitting here, letting all the comments gel in my brain.

And I’m afraid. This version of the story I actually plotted out before revising. This version, I actually like and think it holds true to what I originally wanted to write waaay back in 2007 when I wrote the first of many drafts. And I’m terrified that as I start into revisions, I’ll end up changing the entire story. Again.

I’m not quite ready to start on them yet. I’m working on finishing Whisper, hopefully, before Nationals (just because I would like to let my brain drift during that week and not have revisions floating through my brain). But as I sit here, the characters are talking to me. They’re invading my sleep. I’m hearing their dialogue in my brain as I shower. I’ve got ideas to change the story, just tweaks and additions.

What I don’t have is worry that the plot doesn’t hold. I have to clean and tighten, I think, but not rewrite.

And I don’t think I know how to do that. Honestly, I don’t. But as I am a ‘non plotter’ (I hate the word pantster), this is completely uncharted territory for me. I don’t know how to revise a book without rewriting it but I also swore that I could never plot a book and then write it (I’m discovering that I really really like the synopsis: whether that helps me sell or not is a different story).

So I continue to dig into the current WIP, constantly consulting my synopsis to keep my plot on track and I’ve got this nagging desire to revise Fear. I’m going to be disciplined because when I do get into reading it straight through, hopefully, it’ll be a little more fresh and then I can send it to the editors who are patiently (thank God) waiting for it.

I’m not sure if I’ve learned enough to revise this sucker without rewriting it. But damn it, I’m going to give it my best.

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# 27 Maureen

#23 Minna

and

#19 Shirley

Please email joannATjoannross.com with your contact information so she can get the books on their way to you.

Thanks so much to everyone for stopping by the blog today! I hope you enjoyed it and will come back to check out other amazing authors!

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One of the questions I’m often asked by readers is “What’s your favorite of all your books?” Which 
is a bit like asking a mother to name her favorite child and impossible to answer.

That said, I’ll admit that The Homecoming, the first in my Shelter Bay series, is very personal to me. Partly because it’s set on the magnificent Oregon coast, where my husband once bought me a bag of salt-water taffy, then proposed. Decades later, not only is the candy store still there, I’m so glad I said yes! Combining my hobbies of photography and scrapbooking, I created a video virtual tour of Shelter Bay on my website at http://joannross.com. If that red-roofed house on the tour looks familiar, it’s because Signet’s art department used it on The Homecoming’s cover.

Another question I get a lot is why I chose to write about military heroes. That’s a complex question, but one reason is that I’ve always been a sucker for a guy in uniform. When I was growing up, nearly every male I knew got drafted into the military. Even Elvis didn’t get a pass. After going through Army boot camp, he was sent to Germany, where he met a teenage Priscilla, and well, we all know how that turned out.

Along with several military men and women we’ve “adopted” through Soldiers Angels over the years, we also have two nephews in the Army — Patrick, who completed two Iraq tours and Kyle, who’s already “done” Iraq and is currently serving as a medevac in Afghanistan. Needless to say, having them in harm’s way these past years has made my High Risk books, and now my Shelter Bay stories, extremely personal.

Ongoing concern for them is also partly why I’ve returned to my more emotional family-centric romance roots after the murder and mayhem of romantic suspense. Since writing about serial killers eventually gets depressing, I’m so happy to be back telling feel-good stories about good things happening to nice, but flawed people.

Another reason I like to write about military heroes (along with a military heroine in Shattered) is because they possess something that seems to be in short supply these days – honor.

I firmly believe that a man capable of committing to something outside himself can also commit to a mate and, as a woman, I find that really appealing

The hero I like to write about doesn’t have any personal desire to create conflict or aggression, but he does possess an unwavering code that has him not hesitating to put himself in harm’s way and risk being wounded — physically, emotionally, or both — to protect, defend, and fight for what’s right. He’s self-disciplined, decisive (though he often has to battle his own internal demons, as The Homecoming’s Sex Douchett does) and along with an integrity as tough as his body, he’s unwaveringly loyal and self-confident enough to appreciate and support the equally strong woman who manages to win his guarded heart.

Many readers might be surprised to learn that I’ve been writing military heroes since I wrote a male point-of-view romance about a former Vietnam POW in the mid ‘80s, which was a groundbreaking subject for the genre and still remains on many must-read lists. Since then, though I don’t always mention the fact, most of the heroes in my books have been veterans.

One of the things I’m enjoying exploring in my Shelter Bay books is life after war. As hopefully more and more of our troops begin returning home, there are some wonderful stories waiting to be told, and I can’t wait to write some of them.

In The Homecoming, both Sax Douchett and Kara Conway have returned to their small coastal hometown seeking healing and closure. The ocean has always provided a shelter from emotional storms for me. It’s where I go to unwind and put my life in perspective, which is why I named my fictional coastal town Shelter Bay. Do you have some special place where you feel at peace? A place that, at least in your heart, feels like home?

To celebrate the book’s release day, three people who respond (chosen at random), will receive an autographed copy of The Homecoming.

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There are few things that I know about myself more than the fact that I’m always changing my mind about some things. Clothes, I’m good. I wear the same things: t-shirts, jeans, casual pants and flip flops. I know what colors look good on me and my closet is filled with blacks, browns, whites and khakis. Color is hard for me so I don’t do it.

The same thing does not go, however, for my website. I’m constantly looking for new themes, new changes, something that says me, without having to pay someone to help me figure that out. Call me cheap but honestly, if I’d paid someone to come up with as many different variations on my site as I’ve had by now, they would be really wealthy and I? Well, I’d still be looking to change it.

So when the fab Michelle McGinnis of Friendly Web Consulting told me about a Firefox plugin that would help me learn how to customize CSS sheets for my blog, I was excited. I spent 2 days searching for themes and I won’t tell you how many I downloaded. But I deliberately stuck with free because, well, I’m always changing my mind and why pay for something that’s going to be a short term investment when I can figure out how to change things up myself and keep it interesting.

I found several themes that I really liked and made necessary changes. I spent 1 day working on a theme that I liked but ultimately didn’t stick with. Then I found the current one. I kind of like it. It’s busy but different, especially for me. I tried to stay away from browns and greys (but downloaded several that I plan on playing with later). Essentially, I was able to find this theme, change the font size (just for you , Bill☺) and move on with my life.

But when I get stuck on something, ultimately, I have to stay with it until I beat it. I used to play Nintendo (I know, I’m dating myself) but I would stay up for days until I beat the game. I’d obsess until it was over. The same thing happens with me on my website and ultimately on my writing projects. My fab critique partner told me that I’m married to my projects, that this is a business and that I need to be willing to set them aside. But my brain doesn’t work like that. When a project takes hold, I end up coming back to it again and again until I’m able to work on it. My War’s Darkest Series may never be picked up by a big publisher (I haven’t given up hope that this series will eventually be published) but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on it.

It just means I’ll set it aside for a while until I’m able to write the stories that need to be told. Because ultimately, this is a business and if I write just for myself, I’m not going to sell. I’ll still write them, but I have to be willing to dig into a project that will, publishers willing, sell.

As I get further into my current project, I’m able to keep it in the forefront of my mind. But I had to beat my latest obsession – my website – out of my mind first. So now, it’s back to work.

I’d love to hear what you think of the new design. But don’t worry about hurting my feelings. I’m absolutely certain it won’t last more than a few months.

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So earlier this week, I posted about having plotted a book (wrote a syn/short story to define it) and sent it to my agent. He approved and now I’m starting on writing it.

Since I began, officially on June 28, I’m about 4K words into it and overall, the process feels, well, kind of smooth actually. Since I wrote the synopsis like a short story (which made it REALLY wordy) I have basicly got chapter/scene ideas written out already. Because I use Scrivener to write, it makes breaking down the scene/idea into manageable chunks.

What I’m looking at here is an entire change in how I do things. I still had to find a way into my story, which ended up starting somewhere other than where the synopsis started. And I still had to work out POV issues (both main characters want to be 1ST person, which I actually have slipped into in my 3rd Person sections). So I’m not sure how to handle the character voices that are demanding a certain POV.

Can you even write a young adult book that has two 1ST person POVs?

But, in looking at the last two posts, the issues that I’m running into are format, not content. Since I already worked through the content piece, ie plot and characters, I’m able to worry about voice and development as opposed to what happens next, if that makes sense.

The normal way I write is I write a scene/chapter, then reach a stopping point somewhere after the words run out. I’ve had days where I’ve pounded out 10K words – all of which ended up deleted after the fact, something that might not have happened if I had known where the story was headed.

This new way of doing things for me might actually work out. So far, though, I’m liking it and it doesn’t seem to have diminished either my passion for the story, the mystery of what is going to come next (cause I’ve already been surprised by my characters) or the fun of writing it.

More to follow in the saga of a pantster (I hate that word) learns to plot!

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So here’s the thing. Today, I finished rewriting the book that we’ll just call Shane’s novel for the 5th or maybe the 6th time. It’s had so many titles but the one you all have heard me talk about as is War’s Darkest Fear.

But I did something different this time. I wrote the synopsis for it and sent it to my agent, who didn’t like it and subsequently passed on it. But I rewrote it anyway (another story entirely).

Essentially, it was just to see if I could. Because as I sit here and write these words, I am about to bare my writer’s soul: I don’t plot. Or at least, I didn’t. I have 11 novels under my belt (don’t laugh, no they’re not published and yes they need revisions) and I didn’t plot a single one of them. I rewrote 5 of them and if you count the multiple rewrites of Shane’s story, I’ve rewritten upwards around 12 books. Or the same book 6 times, however you choose to look at it.

But see, now that I actually have an agent who, oh I don’t know, wants to work with me on an actual writing career, I kind of have to listen to him. So after he KOd Fear (and I didn’t completely listen but that’s another story) I sent him something like 8 couple paragraph pitches for story ideas because my fab writer mommy and critique partner kicked me in the ass and said you are married to your ideas. Get over it if you want to sell and stay published.

So I sent him my ideas and waited. He came back with 2 that he thought were marketable. And he didn’t comment on the rest (let me tell you that I feel the burn for those stories he passed on. They’re in my blood but maybe, just maybe, I’ll listen to the guy who knows the market, right?). But he picked up on one of the books that I hadn’t written. I’d bounced the idea around in my head a few weeks ago when I should have been writing and jotted down a synopsis.

It was an ugly synopsis but I sent it off to my CP to see what she thought (I’ve completely stolen her synopsis formats, by the way. I heart her). She came back with thoughts which I absorbed. Then I started emailing back and forth with my agent about the idea (we might have had a phone conversation, I honestly can’t remember). So I found a way into the story and I (brace yourself) wrote the synopsis.

Now this is the girl who doesn’t plot, right? I usually start a book with a scene that jumps out at me but by the time I get into rewrites, that opening scene doesn’t stay. And that’s okay.

But for me to plot out an entire book in a synopsis? Unheard of. I tried it once before and I never wrote the book. But I wrote it, sent it to CPs who pointed out issues, fixed and sent to agent. And waited. Not long, mind you. My agent is fast, so I’m a happy girl. I get the call Monday for a file I sent him on Friday.

The first thing he said was, I don’t normally read a 13 page synopsis (what I sent him). And my heart sank a little. I figured this was it, he doesn’t like the fiction ideas, I’m agentless again. But then he says, you really had me on the edge of my seat. You essentially wrote a short story outlining what happens. Most synopses are outlines or are too bogged down in detail but they way you wrote it, you had me hooked.

So I’m like sitting in my driver’s seat (I’d pulled over) doing a little happy dance that he liked it. Really liked it. And basically, he told me to get to work, he wanted a draft in about 2 or 3 months (thank God I can actually write fast but we’ll see how this goes).

So I’m sitting here tonight, getting ready to open up a new Scrivener file for this new project. And it’s not a rewrite. It’s not characters that I’ve already taken through two or three drafts and know so well they’re practically real for me. I’m looking at the blank page and I already know what happens in my story. Rewriting Shane’s story over the last couple weeks was really, really easy for me because I’d plotted that sucker out. Now, this doesn’t mean that my draft is ready to go on to the editor who wants to see it. It needs revisions (and that doesn’t mean checking for commas) but for once, I honestly think I’ve got a draft that doesn’t require major rewrites.

But I’m staring at this open Scrivener project and I’m at a loss. I’ve got the story in my head. I’ve got the characters. But for me, this is uncharted territory. I’ve completely reversed my process. I write the book, figure out the story, then write the book again. And again. And possibly again. But this time, I’ve figured out the story (I think).

Now, I just have to write the book.

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lillie80!

Shoot me your physical address and I’ll get the ARC in the mail to you tomorrow!

Thanks to everyone who helped spread the word and I hope that even if you didn’t win, you’ll pick up Laura’s latest to get to know a new to you author!

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I’ve blogged a lot about my experience in Iraq with some of the folks I’ve worked with. I’ve also been honest with you about some of my failures, both as a leader and as an officer. But at the end of the day, my failures in those situations, my decisions to act or not act for whatever my justifications, were my decisions and my failure has weighed heavily on my heart.

The second and third order effects of my failures are that some people in the army have gotten promoted due to my unwillingness or inability to fall on my sword.

A few weeks ago, I had a phenomenal opportunity to sit down with my former brigade commander and pick his brain about my future as a company commander. In the hour and a half that he sat with me, we talked about some of the things that went wrong and some of the things that he saw that I had not. A hard lesson I had to learn as I’ve come through the ranks is that the people above me making decisions have access to information I do not have and he saw things at his level that I simply did not and even if I did, we would not have seen the same things.

When we talked about NCO/officer relationship, I confessed to him where I failed. I told him explicitly what I did and why I did it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to look into the face of a leader you respect and admire and look up to and tell him how badly you screwed up? And to watch the disappointment flicker there when he told me how many weak words I’d just used?

Yeah, it sucks. And you know what else? He didn’t cut me any slack. He told me point blank that the action I took probably result in that individual being promoted. Maybe even being my first sergeant. He laid it out for me. And then he said get over it. Did you learn from it? I said yes. He then laid out for me that some fights are worth lying on your sword for, some are not but that I made the best decision I could at the time and that other people had a vote. It was not only my decision that sent that NCOER through.

It was truly cathartic for me to admit what I’d done and where I failed. I’ve carried around that failure with me for a year now. That NCOER was mostly the truth but it was better than it should have been. But I also learned a powerful lesson and when he explained to me that no relationship is static, they are constantly in flux and subject to assessment, I had an epiphany as to where I’d failed. I’d failed to constantly adjust and redefine right and left limits in that specific relationship.

So I’ve finally found a way to let go of the guilt I’ve been carrying around inside me for this. It was not an absolution but a way of finally learning what I was supposed to from that whole experience. Because for the life of me, before I’d talked with my former commander, I had no idea what I was supposed to learn from what, in my mind, was one of the biggest mistakes as an officer I’ve made to date.

I understand so many more things now but with that understanding comes new expecations. It’s like one burden has been lifted, replaced by a new responsibility to live up to the things he taught me.

I’m so incredibly lucky to have been part of this brigade and have this brigade commander to step on my neck. That sounds funny but he demanded more from me than I ever thought possible and sometimes more than I thought was fair. But he held me to a high level of performance and he told me I’d lived up to his expectations.

Hearing that? Well I can’t really explain how that made me feel.

It made a lot of the painful lessons of the last two plus years worthwhile. I understood his intent very clearly from the moment he told me what had happened to him in Sadr City. I knew what his intent was for communications in his brigade and I busted my ass to make that happen. I didn’t always succeed but I never quit.

I was meant to go through that pain to learn those lessons. Finally, I understand some of the things that have been driving me absolutely nuts. And I’ve had the opportunity to be influenced by one of the strongest leaders I’ve ever met in my entire career.

I hope the signal world is ready for some venom because that was his charge to me as I leave this brigade and head back to my roots in the signal corps. But I’ll never forget where I come from or the foundation that was laid for me as an officer in my brigade.

Oh and I’m completely borrowing one of his sayings. I will freely admit to it right here: Don’t Mistake My Passion for Anger.

This ought to be interesting.

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As many of you know, I occasionally dip my toes into the waters of commenting on policy or major media events about our government. I don’t do it often because as an officer, I’m held to a higher standard and sometimes that means keeping my mouth shut (you have no idea how much of a challenge that truly is).

Anyway, for the last two days, we’ve been watching the talking heads in the media pick apart the Rolling Stone profile of GEN Stanley McCrystal. There’s been everything from rabid defense of the general to rabid calls for his public flogging. I read the article after hearing about the furvor on the news and if you haven’t, I encourage you to read it.

Because it’s no where near as bad as the media made it sound. Why do I say that? Well, for one, when people like Maureen Dowd criticize the general and his aides for machismo and “towel slapping”, I get annoyed. Why is it we as a society have taken machismo and manly, war like behavior and turned it into something to be condemned? Hello, he’s a general in the army. He’s not supposed to be handing out flowers and candy. He sends soldiers to kill people. That is what he does and the manner in which he carries out his mission, while subject to discussion and debate, should not be held up against some liberal version of ideals that say we can all just get along.

Additionally, as the leader of forces in Afghanistan, GEN McCrystal is the face of the war and, well, the public is sick of the war and I’m reasonably certain the politicians are, too, if media talk is any indication. The problem here becomes a few off hand remarks are turned into crimes nearly worthy of treason by a media that, despite protests to the contrary, are still very left leaning and anti war. And while the media have made good strides in not portraying soldiers as baby killers and pot heads like they did during Vietnam, there is still an underlying current that the soldiers shoulder the burden of being lumped in with the antiwar sentiment.

The fact that President Obama has seen fit to either accept GEN McCrystal’s resignation or to remove him from command remains firmly the president’s decision. What I see in a general that makes me respect and admire him, civilians look at as barbaric towel slapping. There is a disconnect between what we in the military deem appropriate or effective behavior and what civilians deem appropriate or effective.

In the end, this decision will be judged by the history books. Just as former President Bush’s legacy will change based on the long term success or failure of Iraq and his policies there, President Obama will be counted among the presidents responsible for the win or loss in Afghanistan. He made his decision after personally speaking with General McCrystal. He did not knee jerk and fire him via VTC or teleconference. He spoke to him face to face. I have to accept and believe that he made his decision based on the facts as he saw them and I will not question his decision. He is the commander in chief and I have an oath to obey his orders, just as all officers do.

GEN McCrystal served honorably and with the greatest admiration and respect of his soldiers. He was not necessarily loved but being in command isn’t about being loved, it’s about accomplishing the mission and taking care of soldiers. It is a true shame that a reporter with an ax to grind against the war and the military chose to publish this article about this general to grind said ax.

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Today is one of those super cool days where I get to give stuff away. I’ve loved Laura Griffin’s romantic suspense since her first book came and out and I make no bones about being a complete and total fangirl. She’s one of only a few authors that I pre-order everything.

For the last few months, I’ve been eagerly awaiting the second installment of her Tracers series and while I’m still waiting to read my own copy, I’m thrilled to have an autographed ARC to give away today!

So if, like me, you’ve been waiting for the next Laura Griffin, here’s your chance to get it early. It won’t be released until next Tuesday but if you win, you’ll have it sooner!

To win: leave a comment between now and noon on Thursday and tell me about your favorite Laura Griffin book. If you’re new to Laura Griffin, pass along some of the great stuff you’ve heard about her work and why you’d like to check her latest work out. Or, just leave a comment saying pick me and you’ll be in the running, too!

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So today, Twitter and the media are all up in arms about comments Gen McCrystal made to a Rolling Stone reporter. Watching the commentary on MSNBC today, you would have thought Gen McCrystal had committed high treason.

Here’s the thing and it is universally true regardless of what profession you are in: Watch what you say and who you say it to.

Early in my military career as a young private and specialist, I made an off hand remark to a sergeant about one of the key leaders in my platoon, never dreaming he would go back and tell said key leader. What followed was a significant emotional event for me in learning the lesson that a, I was wrong for the comment and said key leader turned into a true mentor for me, but b (and more importantly) watch what you say.

It’s a lesson that has stuck with me over the years and one that I have internalized strongly. People around you are probably not your friends and even if they are, their loyalty may be to someone else. Over the years, I have made many aquaintances and few true friends. The friends I do have, however, I trust implicitly. Even then, I sometimes censor myself.

Call it distrust, I call it prudence. When I was having trouble with my former agent, there were two people I talked to about how I felt and what I was going through and I trust those two individuals to keep it between us, not shared on message boards and other writing groups. Everyone else got a censored version and that’s the way it should be. I shouldn’t be posting on my blog all the dirty details and I won’t, because its unprofessional.

When I was having problems with my previous commander, I posted things here that I knew might get back to him. I never posted anything that I would be uncomfortable explaining and, there too, the thoughts and emotions were self censored. On PBS, there are so many things I said in real life that I never would post online.

In developing my public persona, I am highly aware that everything I say and do will be held against me. This is a key thing to remember as I head off to the RWA National conference next month. There will be gossip and drinking. There will be private conversations, but during all of that, in the back of my mind, will be the reminder that I am ‘on’. Even there, when I’m going as a writer and not as a soldier, I am still a soldier and I am still being scrutinized as such.

So I will watch what I say and who I say it to. Just like always, because I would hate for an offhand remark or six to be turned into a public spectacle.

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